People have basic physiological and environmental needs, such as food, water, air, and shelter. We also have emotional needs, like the desire to love and feel loved. We all crave connection, whether in interabled relationships or otherwise. That longing is the same among all people, with and without disabilities.
We all seek out different types of relationships – friendships, romantic partners, parent-child bonds, etc. – including interabled ones, because they increase our purpose, self-esteem, joy, sense of belonging, and much more. It’s simply human nature.
A Healthy Love
Psychology professor and author Barbara Fredrickson, Ph.D., said in her book Love 2.0, “Love, as it turns out, nourishes your body the way the right balance of sunlight, nutrient-rich soil, and water nourishes plants and allows them to flourish.” This simple analogy makes a lot of sense to a lot of people.
In a Harvard study that spanned over 80 years and included thousands of participants, researchers found that the number one predictor of health and longevity is our relationships and, more importantly, how happy we are in our relationships.
Close relationships, more than money or fame, are what keep people happy throughout their lives, the study revealed. Those ties protect people from life’s discontents, help to delay mental and physical decline, and are better predictors of long and happy lives than social class, IQ, or even genes.
The Odds Favor Love
Dating and finding (and/or nurturing) love can certainly feel challenging. It’s not easy for anyone. Perhaps that’s why there seem to be a million dating apps and online platforms for all types of singles. Maybe, in some circumstances, one’s mental, physical, or emotional disability can make the hunt for love trickier. But maybe not… maybe being ‘different’ is the new normal.
You see, 1-in-4 U.S. adults – or about 61 million Americans – have a disability that impacts major life activities, according to the CDC. With mental illness and invisible disabilities on the rise, perhaps the statistics of people living with disabilities are even greater than cited.
So if you think about the numbers alone… well, the likelihood that one or both partners in a relationship have one or more disabilities is fairly probable. Maybe it’s just a numbers game. If 1-in-4 people have a disability, it only makes sense that interabled dating and interabled relationships are normal and increasingly common.
People with disabilities constitute the nation’s largest minority group. The disability community is the only group any of us can become a member of at any time.
While much work needs to be done to advance the awareness and acceptance of disabilities, the concept of diversity and inclusion definitely is evolving and expanding. Diversity is celebrated more than ever when it comes to aspects of age, race, gender, sexual identity, ethnicity, religion, socioeconomic background, and, yes, disability.
Interabled Relationships are Breaking Down Stereotypes
The conversation surrounding the breakdown of stereotypes in regard to interabled relationships is getting louder. In an effort to help illustrate that interabled relationships are the new normal, some couples are sharing their personal love stories with the world.
For example, Hannah Aylward and Shane Burcaw, who has a genetic disorder called spinal muscular atrophy, have a popular YouTube channel titled “Squirmy and Grubs,” where they document their life as a married couple. The pair field questions about their relationship to combat the misconceptions surrounding interabled relationships and more.
Similarly, author and blogger Rachelle Chapman, whose spinal cord injury caused paralysis, hosts widely-watched Facebook Live Chats about her marriage to her able-bodied husband, in addition to other topics like parenting and general disability-focused hacks.
And these are just two of many wonderful examples of interabled couples proudly and loudly declaring their true love.
All Relationships are Different
As with able-bodied relationships, each interabled relationship or disabled relationship is different. Every couple experiences ups, downs, and unique twists and turns. Sadly, many assumptions whirl around interabled and disabled relationships that don’t necessarily affect able-bodied couples.
Here are some things to keep in mind:
- Disability doesn’t define a person. Everyone is complex and evolving, with many facets to their identity. Disabilities can present challenges not just for the individual but also for their partners.Honesty in communication about feelings, support needs, understanding, and acceptance is vital. Becoming more comfortable in vocalizing feelings and communicating needs is beneficial.It’s also important to reassure partners, creating an environment of trust where feelings can be openly shared, whether those feelings are of being overwhelmed, confused, happy, or any other emotion. Valuing a partner’s willingness to understand and adapt is crucial. Asking for help can be difficult, but striving to get better at it is essential.
- A disability doesn’t make one less worthy of having a romantic relationship or a healthy sex life. All humans are meant to love and be loved. Listen, just because a person may have a diagnosis or disability and his/her partner does not certainly does not equate to the partner being a perfect person or perfect partner.No one is perfect! And disability or not, we each have to work really hard at supporting and loving one another.
- Physical attributes are not the sole factor of attraction. Again, each and every person has so many layers and so much to offer.
- The judgments of other people can hurt. Unfortunately, many people assume that dating someone with a disability is a burden, or that an able-bodied person solely plays a caregiver role to their disabled partner. This is not the case. The distribution of labor within a relationship is unique and ever-changing. Naturally, all couples support each other in many ways – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
- Interabled and disabled couples often experience stigmas. You can combat myths if you choose to, but you don’t have to! Aspects of relationships are private and you don’t have to share or explain anything if it’s inappropriate or beyond your comfort level.
- Romantic relationships are between two individuals, but since everyone craves connections, seeking support from others can be beneficial for the relationship. It’s beneficial to gain insights from couples of all abilities – able-bodied, interabled, and disabled. Everyone has something to learn from one another.Seeking advice from friends with similar disabilities can be invaluable. Their experiences, perspectives, and open-minded sharing can offer guidance on navigating relationship challenges.
- Couples shouldn’t feel guilty seeking out self-care. Love is complicated. Relationships are hard. And people sometimes need to nourish and nurture themselves with self-care — either independently or, when applicable, as a couple.Self-care comes in many forms. What makes you feel like your best self? Exercising in nature is an essential need for my mental well-being. This is something that I communicate to my husband and he honors. Sometimes it’s that simple.
- Give yourself some grace. We all mess up. Sometimes we need to apologize to our partner when we’ve goofed a bit. Sometimes a relationship doesn’t work out either. But love is out there… and accessible to all.
Interabled Relationships: The Transformative Power of Love
Relationships can transform one’s mind, body, and soul. In fact, oxytocin, also known as the love or touch hormone, literally affects our brains. Remember, all relationships are different – whether you’re an able-bodied, interabled, or disabled couple.
So may you be loved and give love… in a way that feels and is normal to you and your partner. Lastly, while relationships are hard, maybe they aren’t that hard when you’re with the right person (who may or may not have a disability).
Tucker Disability Law Can Help
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